Run Away Love

Sigh.

2011-06-17T20:50:00.001+08:00

I'm having a fucken , fucken terrible moodswing right now . I waited & waited & waited for what ? NOTHING . Endup it seems like my fault . Fine , I admit k ? I replied msg slow because I was falling asleep but I kept myself awake so that I can see you the moment you reach Yishun. But all I got was disappointment & disappointment. I skipped gathering with my clique for you, got said by them & Im still smiling to you but it seems like I'm nothing to you. Nothing at all.. If this is the case, what's the point we got back together? I know I hurt you before, it's my fault... But now I wanna make it up to you, must you even treat me in such a way...? Maybe I'm paranoid, so be it. Im tired.

F.uck

2011-06-17T19:37:00.001+08:00

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

I.AM.FUCKEN.DEPRESSED.AND.I.DON'T.KNOW.WHY.EITHER!

MY LOVE ; ONE&ONLY

2011-06-14T12:47:00.001+08:00

See the guy above in the picture together with me ? He's the guy I love , my future husband . I lost him once , I don't wanna lose him twice . I didn't cherish him well enough , but now I'm going to . He made me fall for him , & now he made me can't let go . Fallen too deep , too quick . He's like the blood flowing in my vein, he's the one who made me felt like Im a lil princess, he treasured me well, cherish me like no one else did . ;) He's the guy I wanna be with, for the rest of my life. I love you, hubby ^^

Breaking Apart

2011-06-13T00:25:00.002+08:00

My mind is falling apart. I'm stressed up with everything falling apart. Just like that girl in the picture, I wanna hide myself in the room, just in one corner. I don't care what others think about me, I just wanna be myself. Is it that difficult? Why do people like to break me apart when I'm starting to stand strong again? Why do people like to pull me down when everything is in place again? Why why & more whys . I really don't know anymore. I'm not myself anymore, I hate it. I wanna be myself again, but how to with all those nonsensical people trying to pull me down? Where is that strong girl I used to know, everyone used to know? Where is that confidence that I once had? Where is everything that I owned? Fuck everyone else who's trying to be funny outside. Fucker(s) much. Don't make me find you people out, I swear I'll turn your world upside down after knowing every single thing .

What third party!? He's not okay . I'm the one who ruined everything , why blame it on him ? Blame it on me instead, fuckers. Don't act as if you know everything when you people don't. Shut the fuck up and keep those fucking comments to yourself. If you wanna know what happen, come to me . Why spread nonsensical things around ? You people no brains or you people dumb? Fuckyourlifehard if I find you out. :)

We hugged, we kissed, I hope we'll never end

2011-05-08T14:02:00.001+08:00

Today will be our first day for not meeting because of mother's day. But fret not, I'll be able to tolerate today.! It's only for a day. But what if I have a job & not have the time to meet you on weekdays anymore.? :(

No matter how far apart we are, as long as our hearts are linked as ONE, I wouldn't mind where you are or how long we didn't meet. You gave me this special feeling that no one else gave me before. You taught me how to be happy in a relationship. You taught me that just being by your side is sufficient enough for me. :) I don't need anything else from you, I just need your love, care & pampering. That's enough. Xoxo, silly baby. :) & for now, I'm waiting for you to wakeup & reply my text. Woaini, baobei. :)

Wait and Waited

2011-05-01T07:24:00.003+08:00

I waited and waited for your reply .. But I received nothing . I slept for only 3hours and here I am blogging . Right now , I need someone beside me. That person wasn't you . Am I supposed to feel happy or sad ? Should I smile or cry ? If everything was a dream , why made me believe in you ? If everything was just a hope , why made me fall for you ? If only everything was my own written love story , nothing like this would happen . I want you to stand by me .. but .. where are you now ? I fucking hate MYSELF right now . How I wish I can just walk to the roadside now and get hit by a car so I won't have so many troubles . FUCKMYLIFE . I waited and waited , I cried and cried telling myself you'd contact me soon , telling myself nothing had happened to you . But now ...? I don't even know because I didn't receive anything , bb .. If only I didn't let everything turn back normal , I won't be like this right now . I rather let myself get hurt than seeing both of us being like this right here , right now . And I'm lost , don't know what else to do .

If One day I'm gone , what would you do ...?

Ignored

2011-05-01T01:07:00.000+08:00

I ignored your feelings , I ignored my feelings .
I hurt you , I hurt myself .
I made you cry , I cried too .

I guess , this is karma .
Because right now , I'm no longer cared by you .
You no longer reply my text as quickly as you do already .
Am I that irritating ?
I'm crying my heart out , I seriously am ..
Bb , Where are you ?
What are you doing out there ?
Or .. Are you asleep ?

Are you avoiding me ?
Avoiding my texts ?
I didn't call you because I don't wanna be an irritant to you at all ..
Sigh .. reply me asap bah .
I'm waiting ..

Every single time my phone lit up , I'd turn my head over to look at the messages . But I always got my hope dashed because it wasn't your text . I prayed inside my heart , for you to be fine . For you to text me soon . But ........... I guess you won't . You no longer bother . :')

Drifted

2011-05-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

Online diary , a space where I can write out all my feelings . Nobody knows this space and I'm glad . Because I don't want anyone to know how I'm feeling right now .... When you cared too much, I said I'm suffocating in your love/jealousy. Now when you no longer care ... I missed you more than before. What the heck is wrong with me ? I don't know . But where are you right now ? I really miss you , really I do ... But what are you doing right now ? I really don't know ... Are you avoiding me ? :( Sigh , bb .. I'm waiting for you text , but I do not know what to do now ... Tell me how , will you ? Do you still have me inside your heart ? Sigh .. I hate crying because it'd show my friends how weak I am . I used to be that strong girl , but now I'm not . Im crying over a guy . I was never like this . What happened ? I hate myself for falling in love . Because ... I cant control myself . Sigh . It's too late to regret now , you no longer care . Im no longer important ... I'm waiting for you text and I will always be waiting .. xoxo .

Sorry, I cried

2011-04-30T00:37:00.000+08:00

I wasn't strong enough to hold back my tears, I'm sorry. For everything that happened today. I know it's my fault for having to many close guy friends. :( I don't want you to treat me so cold ... anymore. I really don't want .. Bb, I do love you lots now. What about you? ~~Faded?~~

And I'm so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I'm sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn't turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight

I'm waiting for your text now... Imissyoubadly...

xoxo.

Down..

2011-04-29T22:31:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling super down now, I feel like crying. I really do. 我很想你，我好想现在看到你哦。What about you? Do you miss me like how I miss you? 你现在到底在做什么？ I really wanna know. Sigh.

There's a story behind every single thing I do. There's a story to about the thing we talked about today. But ... I don't know how to say. Sigh, you didn't give me a chance to explain....

We seemed too far apart.. I wish I am still that girl you love...

Troubles

2011-04-28T23:36:00.000+08:00

Hi Troubles,

Please get far far away from me. Why do you want to come back to me every single time you got far far away from me? Don't come back haobuhao. :(

Sincerely,
Teenagers.

Those tears that filled up my space

2011-04-28T01:53:00.003+08:00

Another post for the day because they are different issues, different topics. Currently hugging my little elmo to accompany me.

I cried............ I'm afraid...... I don't wanna end up with a broken heart again. I've been wondering to myself.... what if there's someone better out there for you? Would you leave me for her? I've been wondering to myself....... What if she is back....? What should I do or rather... What can I do...? I'm killing myself with all these thoughts rather than his jealousy.... I was wrong.... Will you stay or will you leave by the end of this love chapter .....?

I'm not as strong as you think I am .... I seriously am not .... Sigh ... Many questions have been running through my mind ..... Many things have been stressing me out .... I'm turning crazy, I swear.... bb .... will you stay with me till the end ..... ?

I'm .....

Paranoid

2011-04-28T01:38:00.001+08:00

This little paranoid feeling is back again and I do not understand why. I do hate myself for being so paranoid at times. I should trust the other half of me and not doubting them. Why can't I do it? I hate myself for looking at bb's facebook wall. I do get jealous , SUPER EASILY I swear. I believe anyone on Earth would get jealous easily if they love someone. Yes, I'm the one who do not know how to cherish him at the start. Right now, I know how important he is to me. I'm sucha dumbass to give up cherishing him just because I can't forget D and I don't wanna hurt him. He treat me better than D and anyone else right now. Who can always give in to me when I'm being super unreasonable? No one. He's the only one. He's the only one who will listen to all my nonsense and just say " ya you're right " because I forced him to say so. I let him down, I let him cry, I broke his heart but he didn't give up neither did he let go. He waited and waited till the day I actually got my fences down, my heart softened, & I let him in. Because I know those times when I held myself back from replying all his messages, treating him cold, treating him like any other guys, he's the one who is occupying my mind all those while. But now... ? We seem , or rather felt ... D.I.F.F.E.R.E.N.T .... I do not know how this feeling came into me, but... I just hate this feeling ... :( I hate myself for thinking too much that's why I'm always out for a breath. I always do things to make myself happy to prevent myself from being so paranoid, but it seems like it didn't work out right. Because whenever night falls, everyone's asleep, I'm thinking through all those useless questions up in my head.. Why? Why am I like this....? I shouldn't be regretting now ... I'm the one who chose to treat him cold , so ...... I can't blame anyone else

I wanna shout out loud to you , bb .
I.L.O.V.E.Y.O.U.B.B .....
Do you know ..? Xoxo.